sex

I actually slept with a guy a few weeks back and the guy I like read me like a book that I had done it,and the weird thing is now Im thinking what if he does the same to me,I know I deserve it but I keep finding stuff out that I wish the person concerned would tell me himself,I wont judge him for it but its better finding it out from him. he says he doesent give a dam whether we are together or not its da same thing. see its like Im frustrated that I cant get my own way,im spoilt in that sense. I seem to be smoking up and passing out lately,but id rather be a pothead than an alcoholic. I used to drink like a tank,once I got so drunk at a nightclub that I stood on the table and started dancing,oh and jumped a cemetary in short skirt,fun times.

one thing I cant understand about guys,they never tell you what they really want,its all a bunch of mind games they play just to get a reaction. Example, if your on a date and a guy keeps talking about another girl you would get affected not because your sad but because you see that as competition and its a case of defending territory,but that screws everything up, because no guy likes to be tied,they never give straight answers and are always hazy and they keep pushing us,why do we fall for it not because we are weak but because we care more about what they think,some women are strong but some arnt,

guys dont like to show their emotions cause they think its a weakness, but sometimes because of it they can really loose a person close to them, calling someone a boyfriend or gfriend is really no point,why project to the world this is my boyfriend if yourl care for each other that matters, Im rambling on and on, another thing testing the waters,it can get fucked up but who knows it mite just work,