sex

my life is really fucked up at the moment,no sense of belonging.I betrayed someone close to me and now its too late to repair the bridge.When you care for someone you take them for granted and when you loose them you realise, that it was all for nothing.Punishment is now something I have for it eats at me inside and doesent stop.Bit by bit its consuming me,changing and deadening my senses till there is nothing left but cold.Without any feelings is the best way to be,in sorrow or sadness.I cant even think straight.I really wish I can have another chance.

A guy I really care about has been there with me through thick and thin,.Its better to have a special friend than a boyfriend, with a friend, you know you guys will never hook up in the future,but at least there is someone there for you when you trully need them without having a tag,and if the sex is good as well why complain? when a person does start seriously going out,then they should not have such a thing unless they have a open relatiopnship.Its better to have fun now,than get married and cheat on your wife/ husband.sometimes a friend can be a lover too, it makes it easier to talk to them cause they will never judge you. Once you are going out with someone have a boundary of whether its open or serious till then just go with the flow,wherever it taks you good or bad,for at the end of the day that makes us human.

It was revealed to me something I thought a person would never say,course if the person was stoned then it has no value but if it wasent meant why say it? That person must be confused as well,little little thoughts keep running through my mind, and no matter how hard I try I cant catch them.what must that other person be feeling right now, guilt that it wasent meant, sorrow that it mite have been the truth ,or not willing to accept it was said. A part of me wants to belive its true,but another part wont belive it.mmm there has to be some logic and it has to be found out. otherwise I shall spiral into the pits of misery and sorrow.Never to be released

people get hurt in life thats the natural order of things,but whos to say that when you dont take a risk you dont get hurt.obviously being burnt so many times in a relationship a person would be wary and whats the defination of an open relastionship? It mite all be a waste of time knowing that even in the future it wont go anywhere, but still rushing head on.I never want to cage the one I care about, but I do act very posesive and thats my weakness.Im da one that ends up doing eveything bad in the end and a part of me feels he should care at least a little bit about us.I know he has been through shit in life,,but there is no future.he deserves a goood life and I really hope he gets it. but one thing I can say he will stand by you through thick and thin, protect you and make you happy, when he feels da time is rite to let someone into his heart,I have to let go

I actually slept with a guy a few weeks back and the guy I like read me like a book that I had done it,and the weird thing is now Im thinking what if he does the same to me,I know I deserve it but I keep finding stuff out that I wish the person concerned would tell me himself,I wont judge him for it but its better finding it out from him. he says he doesent give a dam whether we are together or not its da same thing. see its like Im frustrated that I cant get my own way,im spoilt in that sense. I seem to be smoking up and passing out lately,but id rather be a pothead than an alcoholic. I used to drink like a tank,once I got so drunk at a nightclub that I stood on the table and started dancing,oh and jumped a cemetary in short skirt,fun times.

one thing I cant understand about guys,they never tell you what they really want,its all a bunch of mind games they play just to get a reaction. Example, if your on a date and a guy keeps talking about another girl you would get affected not because your sad but because you see that as competition and its a case of defending territory,but that screws everything up, because no guy likes to be tied,they never give straight answers and are always hazy and they keep pushing us,why do we fall for it not because we are weak but because we care more about what they think,some women are strong but some arnt,

guys dont like to show their emotions cause they think its a weakness, but sometimes because of it they can really loose a person close to them, calling someone a boyfriend or gfriend is really no point,why project to the world this is my boyfriend if yourl care for each other that matters, Im rambling on and on, another thing testing the waters,it can get fucked up but who knows it mite just work,